I’ve been struggling with my stutter lately. Like, I can write to you: I’ve been struggling with my stutter lately. But I cannot say to you ‘I’ve been struggling with my stutter lately.’ Too many turns in that sentence, my tongue can’t compute.
I wrote about my stutter a couple of years ago and it was quite therapeutic. Putting pen to paper is a release for a writer. Writing a really good piece is like an orgasm for a writer. Writing a really good piece for a writer that fears talking… that’s an O-shot.
In the span of a day, I can probably clock a dozen or more instances where I actively thought about how to approach a situation in consideration of my stutter. I think about it all the time. Statistics say men think about sex 19 times a day. I say a person with a stutter, out in the world interacting for a day, thinks about their stutter more. It’s a shame. Thinking about sex sounds like a lot more fun.
“Hello good sir. What’s on your mind?” “Well, I’m going back to the little crinkle in my brain that stores the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. You?” “Oh me? Just thinking about this Zoom call I’m attending today. And the probability that someone will be on I have not met yet. And how I’ll introduce myself. Like, can I somehow get my peer to introduce me? Or hope someone says my name first and I’m like ‘oh yeah, that’s me, Sarah.’ And if not, would it be weird if I just go into it without introducing myself at all… Any recommendations?”
Shit, thinking about sex sounds much better! Is that the solution I’ve been looking for my whole life? Think ’more sexing, less talking’? While my husband would likely endorse this hypothesis and submit it to collegiate universities for experimental case studies, I did live through my 20’s already and can attest it is not the answer.
Regardless, my stutter isn’t going away. It’s my lemon, and I’m trying to make it lemonade by embracing the humor in it all. This, after going through this very long introduction about a stutter/sex thought ratio, is what I’m leading up to. A new series. A series to share everyday occurrences that my stutter community and I deal with.
Now I will say, I have a mild stutter today. It was worse as a kid. But over the years, I’ve worked to stop letting my stutter control me. I’m not saying it doesn’t stop me from time to time. What you’re about to read in this series is going to be a combination of how I overcame it and how it still paralyzes me. It’s a formidable opponent, for sure. But so am I.
I’m titling this series The St. Because the stutter Starts here. And Stops here. And Starts again, sometimes in the middle of a sentence. And then Stops, followed by an abnormally long pause. Only to Start again, but maybe with a completely different word because I decided to abort the mission. #StutterHumor